Much to be grateful for :: Part Two

We still have much to be grateful for -- even more, I suppose. No doubt the grapevine has been up and running in the last week but to recap: the "follow up" blood test for Tate revealed liver enzyme levels that had increased dramatically instead of decreased. Our pediatrician was very sad to have to call us at home and scare us with one of the more horrible statements that can be said: "You need to take your kid to the hospital tonight." Reason for gratitude number one: The most frightening possible explanations for Tate's elevated levels have essentially been ruled out. It took a very uncomfortable long weekend at the hospital to do so, but if that's what it took, I'm all for it. All the clues -- especially the continuing decrease in those levels and his on-going good mood, eating, behavior patterns -- point to a virus that inflamed his liver, causing the enzymes to peak, that has/will run its course. Not totally uncommon in newborns, we have learned.

Reason for gratitude number two: We've been deeply moved by the love and prayers and support that we have received -- on top of already abundant love and joy at Tate's arrival in the first place. It's amazing, really, to have this massive, new responsibility: this darling boy. And our job is to be his mommy and daddy. And to have this scary medical puzzle to figure out and to see the new roles everyone else in our lives have taken up to help us. Our own mommies and daddies, of course, were mommy and daddy to us so we could be mommy and daddy to Tate. But friends and family, local and afar, came alongside us to help inspire hope, endurance, confidence. Pep talks from all over the country kept our spirits up; local friends kept us fed, and brought us our laptop and dvds when needed. The initial hours at the hospital were scary because of all that was unknown. But as they got started with tests and observations, the most uncomfortable thing was the suspense, the disruptive nature of life in the hospital, the feeling that we were trapped at the airport and our flight kept getting canceled. But the phone calls and encouragement kept pouring in -- helped us, filled the day, distracted from our impatience. It was a challenge to accept so much help at once, really. But it freed us up to do and feel useful things: to help one another, to take care of Tate, to persevere. We are grateful.

Reason for gratitude number three: The normal things of life with a newborn suddenly seem like not such a big deal... especially the fatigue.

Reason for gratitude number four: It's not worse. The pediatric ward is a fairly depressing place to be. To see the kids and families that were in neighboring rooms, with kids that looked sick, acted sick, were bored and scared and tired, we were so grateful that our kid wasn't old enough to be bored, or scared, really. And he was/is just himself: cute and charming, eating and sleeping as a baby should. He wasn't hooked to machines or whimpering or ill in any visible way. Don't get me wrong, it sucked to be there. But it became clear pretty quickly that we were going to be able to take a healthy kid home. Not always the case on that floor.

And so. Gratitude helps, I've learned. Especially to learn. I've learned what a useless, narcissistic emotion worry is. What good am I to Tate or Colin or any of you if I am wrapped up in my worry? It's not all about me: it's about him, and them, and you. How can I help you if my main concern is my worry? Be afraid, anxious, overwhelmed, hopeful, exhausted, sad, faithful, impatient, grateful... those can all be put to work. But worry: what a waste.

Um, so things feel fairly normal these days. We're tired, of course. But the weather is great, which helps lift the spirits. Tate is awesome. Jamie and Sally arrive on Wednesday for a visit: fun! Fun: what a concept. More of that, please.